i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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