I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
