I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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