I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The Olympian is in my bed
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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