If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
