If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
