Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
