i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
