i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
