Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
