I just pynch a tree in the face
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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