he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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