bring money and cleavage
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
