Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
