i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We are two peas in an std pod
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
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Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
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He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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