just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
