Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
