He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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