Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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