On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
