If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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