I hate all girls vehemently.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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