Sry I called you an 8
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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