u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
