Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
