I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
