Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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