I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
50% drunk capacity currently
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
