Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
