Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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