I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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