Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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