That's intense
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
