Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
