She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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