I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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