great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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