I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
