is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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