I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Someone signed my nipple.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
