i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She's the barista slut.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
