shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
