I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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