And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
