His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
