I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You took a bar mat shot.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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