i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
