I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
