I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
