So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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