Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
