Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
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JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
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This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
The ass gains better be worth it
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