i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
