i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
