Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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