i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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