Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
