He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
