We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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