I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
