He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I touched a dick in church today
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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