I looked at my own cervix.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
did you just send me my own nude
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
