isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I am available for nakedness
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
