Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
