Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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