I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
