you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
