Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
