I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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