I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
