She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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