no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
