I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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