Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
