I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
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he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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