You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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