remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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