I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
